ADHD Article June 1998

It's SUMMER!! Or Is it? Around here it is getting pretty hard to tell. Rain one day 80 degree temperatures the next. Can Mother Nature make up her mind? Please?

I'd like to take the time to welcome Bob Seay to the ADDed Attractions Family! Bob is the guide to the ADD site at The Mining Co, http://add.miningco.com and will be addressing ADDult issues in our newsletter each month! If you'd like To contact Bob about issues concerning ADDults, you Can reach him at add.guide@miningco.com. And now, Bob Seay's Column:

** ADDult Content **
By Bob Seay
add.miningco.com

Since this is my first column for ADDed Attractions, I want to begin by saying "Thank you" to Brandi. I found Brandi's page about three years ago, when I first started searching the Internet for ADD material. She has been and continues to be an inspiration and a role model to me. I am honored that she asked me to do a column for her newsletter.

Thank you, Brandi, for all that you have done and continue to do for people who live with ADD.

Now, back on task....

One common theme that comes up over and over again, in chat, on the Bulletin Board, and in my email is what I call "Discovery". It usually goes something like this:

"My son was just diagnosed with ADD. That's OK, we expected that and are ready to deal with it."

"My question is - what do I do about my husband, who seems to show the same behaviors?"

Or, you get this variation: "In researching to learn more about my child's ADD, I am beginning to realize that I am probably ADD too. What should I do now?"

A Genetic Link

We now understand that ADD has a very strong genetic component. If a child has ADD, chances are that one or both of the parents are ADD as well. The parent may not be diagnosed and may be unaware of their own ADD. It is often only when we begin to see those same traits in our children that we begin to realize that the apple hasn't fallen very far from the tree.

When this happens, an entire string of events go into motion. First, we are dealing with the natural grief reactions of having our child diagnosed. Even if we have suspected this and have prepared ourselves for it, there is still a certain gut reaction when our suspicions are confirmed and on paper. Next, because we now suspect the same in ourselves, that we may also be ADD, there is a reaction to that as well. Our self image, the very core of how we define ourselves (or our spouse), is called into question.

Now, not only do we have a child who is not "normal", we discover that we ourselves are not "normal" either.

Sorting It All Out

I've seen normal; I'm not that impressed.

Rather than seeing your ADD as a "Chronic, life-long disability which is passed from generation to generation", try to see it more as a family trait. An heirloom, if you will, kind of like the family china. Something precious, something valuable, and something that requires a bit more care than the average Corelle dinner plates that everybody else seems to throw on the table. Sure the china is more fragile. You can't just take it from the freezer to the microwave and toss it in the dishwasher. These plates would all shatter with that kind of "normal" treatment.

But isn't that what makes it all the more precious?

Why is it important to deal with your ADD now?

You've managed to live all this time with ADD. Why change now?

Keep in mind that the intention here is not to wipe out ADD in your lifetime. The intention in treating your ADD is the same as it is in the treatment for your child - to maximize the strengths of your non-linear thinking style while minimizing the weaknesses. We do not wish to become "Non-ADD" people, nor do we wish to conform to a standard which was not designed for us in the first place. What we want, for both the ADDult and the child with ADD is the recognition of our abilities and access to our strengths; to control our ADD rather than to have it controlling us.

Getting your own ADD under control makes it much easier to manage your child's ADD. You cannot control your child if you cannot control yourself. In a conflict situation, you cannot expect to reason with your child if you yourself are not reasonable either. You cannot calm your child if you cannot be calm yourself.

Likewise, you cannot organize your child, or teach organization, without becoming organized yourself. Learn to arrange your physical environment in an at least semi-organized manner. Learn ways to organize your time and finances.

You cannot expect your child to develop ways to remember necessary information without doing the same. Find ways to compensate for your poor short term memory. Teach them to your child.

Many undiagnosed ADDults are self-medicating with drugs or alcohol. These are not the best alternatives. More important for parents, it sends a very bad message to your ADD son or daughter. Deal with any addiction problems you may have.

But perhaps the strongest reason is for you.

Most of us grew up with our ADD and did the best we could to deal with it. Unfortunately, for many, our best was never quite good enough. We were labeled "inconsistent", "careless" or worse. These labels follow most of us on into adulthood, where they show up as "Poor Performance" reviews, or pink slips. Or in a resume that hopscotch's across too many career changes and way too many employers.

Our histories of relationships are just a spotty and require just as much effort.

Perhaps the most significant benefit to all of this will be the ability to pass some of these coping skills on to your children as they grow up. Maybe we can save them some of the pain and frustration we have known.

These are all issues that we will look at in future columns. For now, consider the possibilities of a life where YOU are in control, where YOU decide what you can accomplish, and where YOU can be focused on what you are doing.

An adult diagnosis of ADD is not the end. It is really only the beginning.

*************************************

Some very interesting topics being discussed in ADDtalk, Our Listserv for email discussion. One of the topics Being addressed is handwriting skills. My adhd Son has problems with his fine motor skills which Makes handwriting for him difficult and hard to read.

Some of the inventive ideas for helping children improve Their fine motor skills that have been mentioned are:

1. Materials Needed: Plastic Soap Holder with the tiny Suction cups underneath, eyedropper and colored water.

Turn the soap holder over and allow child to fill the suction Cups with colored water using the eyedropper.

2. Use tweezers to move tiny beads from one bowl to another.
3. Use Yarn cards where yarn is strung through the holes.
4. Use tweezers to pick up beans and place them in a large neck bottle.
5. Eating with Chop Sticks.

I hope you find these ideas useful and to join the ADDtalk listserv, Send an email message to addtalk-request@list.to with the word Subscribe in the body of the email message. You will findA community of readers sharing their ideas and Experiences along with helpful ideas and solutions for Some of the everyday issues adders face.

Another interesting topic that surfaced on ADDtalk is The idea of creating a list of "Family Commandments." Creating a guide for family members to live by, something That might decrease the chaos, promote harmony and teach Respect sounds like a very good idea and if a list of Family Commandments could work, why not A list of School Commandments? Let me here you Ideas, thoughts and opinions on this and if you have An idea for a "commandment" share it with us! You Can send it to me at Contact Us

For those of you living with special education IEP's and Section 504's The Special Ed Advocate Newsletter By Pete and Pam Wright, is a MUST HAVE!

The Special Ed Advocate is a free online newsletter about special education legal issues, cases, tactics and strategy, educational methods that work, and Internet links. This newsletter is published when time permits and you can subscribe to The Special Ed Advocate Newsletter as well as read back issues at the Special Ed Advocate web site atwww.wrightslaw.com

Lots of helpful information in this newsletter And I particularly like the Tactics and Strategies Corner.

There are also some Special Ed listservs Available if you are interested.

How to Subscribe: If I wanted to subscribe to The Special Education Discussion list, I would send a message To the listserv I was interested in with the following Message:

subscribe Brandi Valentine to the address
listserv@uga.cc.uga.edu
SPECIAL EDUCATION DISCUSSION LIST
listserv@uga.cc.uga.edu
Subscribe SPECED-L

.SPECIAL EDUCATION NETWORK
listserv@miamiu.muohio.edu
sub SPEDNET Firstname Lastname

** Dr.Dave's AddVice **
By David Rabiner Ph.D

Before beginning this month's column I'd like to invite you to request a Free Trial Subscription to ADHD RESEARCH UPDATE, the e-mail newsletter I publish that keeps parents informed about new research on ADHD/ADD and how new information can be applied to help their child. To receive your complimentary trial, just addhelp@mindspring.com and type "Free Trial" in the subject line.

Should Medication Be Continued During the Summer?

If your child receives medication to help manage ADHD symptoms during the school year, a decision you now face is whether your child should continue to receive medication during the summer. This is definitely something that should be carefully discussed with your child's doctor, although the guidelines below may be useful to take into account.

Until relatively recently, most physicians recommended that medication for treating ADHD be discontinued on weekends and over the summer. The reasoning behind this stance was that medication was intended to help children function more effectively in school, and there was thus no need for medicine when school was not in session. Concerns about the health consequences of continual use of medication were also involved in this decision.

Unfortunately, for many children with ADHD, the ability to succeed in activities outside of school is greatly reduced without the assistance provided by medication. For example, some children are not able to do well with peers or to participate effectively in organized peer activities without medication. Problems getting along with parents are also often helped substantially by medication - I've had many parents tell me how much easier it is to have a good time with their child when he or she is on medication and that they are able to spend time together in ways that are just not possible otherwise. The same can be true for relations with siblings.

Success with peers and good relations with parents are extremely important in promoting a child's healthy development. Being excluded or disliked by peers and having frequent conflictual exchanges with parents can take a toll on a developing child's feelings about himself and others. Over time a history of unsuccessful and conflictual interactions can create as much difficulty for a child as the primary symptoms of ADHD. In fact, it is often the secondary consequences of ADHD - behavior problems, poor peer relations, academic struggles, etc. that are more influential in shaping a child's long term outcome than are the primary symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

For these types of reasons, many mental health professionals now advocate that medication be continue year round for children who need it to be successful outside of school. Thus, if you recognize that your child gets along much better with peers, is able to participate more appropriately in various activities, and does better at home when on medication, than the use of medication during the summer months should be considered. For a child with ADHD who is able to do well in these contexts without medication, however, and who requires it primarily to assist with focusing on school work, it may not be necessary at all over the summer. In my experience, this is more likely to be the case for children who have the inattentive symptoms only and who do not also have problems with hyperactive and impulsive behavior.

Please note that suggesting that medication can be appropriate to use over the summer does not mean that other interventions to assist a child with peer relations and social behavior are not important. For example, at summer camp programs that are designed to provide specialized treatment to children with ADHD, well designed behavioral interventions and social skills training are important parts of the curriculum. Even so, many of the children who attend continue to receive medication so they can participate more effectively.

Just like during the school year, medication during the summer months can play a useful role for some children as part of their overall treatment plan. If a child needs mediation to be successful in the many activities he or she participates in over the summer I do not think it should be withheld, even as other efforts are being made to help the child be more successful. As always, the important goal is to figure out what your child requires to be successful and to do your best to provide what is needed. For some children, medication may be an important factor in promoting a child's success. For many others, medication during the summer may be much less necessary and important. A thoughtful discussion of this important issue with your child's doctor should help you decide on what is best for your child.

David Rabiner, PhD
Licensed Psychologist

Visit www.svr.com/addhelp for information and services designed to help parents promote the healthy development of children with ADHD.

I don't have many pet peeves. Mostly just minor "preferences" So to speak, one of which concerns my ice cream. I like my ice Cream Hard, not half melted or soft when it should be hard ice cream And if it is soft serve, I prefer to receive it before it begins turning into a Puddle of milk, but recently, I added a new peeve to my list of pets And I'd like to take the time to address it.

How many of you get those cute, not so cute, wishes from Dying children, or promises of riches from Bill Gates type messages that get forwarded to you by well meaning friends and relatives? I happen to get a lot, the most recent a wish from a child dying of Cancer who wanted to see her message forwarded to as many People . These messages are forwarded over and over again So that by the time I receive the message, it takes 5 minutes to Download it from my server, and those that forward it never Take the time to think of the privacy of others and fail to Take the time to delete numerous email addresses that Accumulate through the forwarding.

Yesterday, I took the time to extract the email address from One single message and came away with an astonishing 686 Email addresses in one single message! I happened to receive 5 of these during the week and I shutter to think how many email addresses I could have walked away with, free for the using, had I done an address search on all 5. So I took these 686 email address and I sent them all a message asking them to not forward me anymore of these messages and also pointed out that by participating in such foolishness, they are merely providing somebody with one hell of a resource for email addresses that they can use for spamming. Only 8 of the 686 email messages I sent came back as undeliverable so not only is this email address resource huge, it is also accurate.

It wasn't long before the reply's started coming in and they varied from "Do I know you?", " Who in the hell are YOU and how did you get this email address?", and "what are you talking about? I didn't mail you anything?" and there were several people who understood the point I was making and thanked me for pointing this out to them. There were also Two more memorable ones: one reader took the time to investigate the "wish" and contacted the American Cancer Society and was told that this was indeed a hoax and the second reader labeled me uncaring and apathetic to the plight of misunderstood and special children and promised to banish my email address from their list of people worthy to receive their communiqués and also removed the link to my site from their site and banished me forever as anything close to resembling a caring human being.

Believe me, I am not an uncaring human being. I'm a big girl with A big heart and donate my time to more causes than I can count. But, please be kind enough to refrain from forwarding these messages to me. I receive more than 100 emails a day that I take the time to reply to. Often Times, these messages not only corrupt my mailbox because of their size And the number of times they've been forwarded, but it also puts my Email address out there for everyone to use and trust me, I get enough Spam as it is without asking for more.

So please, in the future, if you must forward a message to your friends and family,

1. be kind enough to use either the blind copy field or delete any email addresses that may appear in the message.

2. Make sure that it is not a hoax or what they now call an "urban legend". While Many of you may think you are helping a sick or dying child fulfill their wish to receive One million hits on their page, you are probably only helping someone earn Money by allowing him to get paid for every click-through to his site.

And last but not least, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE… leave me off of your Mailing list for chain letters, (but keep sending those jokes! I love a great Laugh) It would be greatly appreciated and it will allow me to spend my Time answering email from those who need me the most.

Thank you, Brandi.

AB1100 (Thompson/Perata) is moving to the Senate floor And expected to pass. The Governor is expected to veto. NOW is the time to urge Governor Wilson to sign the Parity legislation bill AB1100.

Legislative Update:
AB1100: THE FACTS:

This Bill requires all health insurance providers to cover medically Necessary treatment of biologically based severe mental illnesses And emotional disturbances of children the same as is provided To cover medical illness.

Existing Law: California and federal laws do not require insurance Providers to cover mental illness.

Biological Basis: The latest medical research shows that many severe Mental illnesses are caused by malfunctions in brain chemicals Similar to some physical illnesses and are effectively treated with The latest psychotropic medications.

New Low-Cost Projections: 1997 studies by RAND and the National Advisory Mental Health Council showed that the cost of providing Equitable coverage for mental illness is nominal when implemented in a Well managed system.

Why Mandated Coverage?

1. The average out-of-pocket expense for treatment of a chronic Mental illness is ten times the out-of-pocket cost for a chronic physical illness.

2. Sufferers and their families end up spending down their savings to qualify For comprehensive government mental health services. 3. The annual cost of the mentally ill to the California criminal justice system is between $1.2 billion and $1.8 billion.

4. Untreated mental illness causes businesses to suffer through workers using More sick leave, working more slowly with less focus and, generally, low productivity.

5. If mental illness coverage is not required, affordable equitable coverage will never Be offered. Few consumers ever expect to become mentally ill. However, when they do Become ill, they are surprised to discover their insurance won't pay for treatment. Arbitrary limits On visits and lifetime limits, high deductibles and co-pays severely limit access to affordable, Meaningful coverage for sufferers and their families.

HERE IS A SAMPLE LETTER TO GOVERNOR WILSON REGARDING APPROVAL OF THE PARITY
LEGISLATION AB1100
PHONE CALLS OR FAXES ARE ALSO EFFECTIVE
FAX: 916-445-4633

Office of the Governor (Date)
State Capital
Sacramento, Ca 95814

Dear Governor Wilson:

I urge you to approve the AB1100 (Thompson/Perata), a bill that would eliminate Insurance discrimination against people with psychiatric disabilities. I urge you to Protect people with biologically based severe mental illness and children with emotional Disturbances as you would other people with medical illness. The latest research Shows that psychiatric disabilities are effectively treated with the proper medical Attention.

Sincerely,
Jane/John Doe

One topic that seems to come up a lot in discussion And recently in ADDtalk, is whether or not to hold A child back a grade.

Many of us have been faced with this decision and I would like to share my experiences with you And invite you to share your experiences and Thoughts on this subject so that I can Gather them together and post them For parents in the future to refer to in hopes That it will give them food for thought and Help them make this important decision.

JAMES: I was first faced with holding James back a grade After he finished kindergarten. After he completed kindergarten, James had no concept (in my opinion) of the basics with which I felt he needed in order to be a successful first grader. At the time, James could not count accurately to 10 and could only Identify 6 out of the 26 letters of the alphabet, 50% of the time. He had no writing skills and putting his name on paper Was a monumental task. I felt James should repeat kindergarten, The school felt he was perfect material for first grade. The battle began. I took some time to speak with a couple of the first grade teachers at The school who had no knowledge of my son, and asked them what They felt the minimum skills required were to be successful in First grade. My son didn't meet them. When I explained my son's Abilities, they honestly told me that he would have a hard time Keeping up and would most certainly start his 12 year career as A student, behind. So I decided to hold him back. Not an easy Task. The school resisted, I fought, and in the end I had to sign Legal papers stating that holding him back was MY decision But it was done and I am glad. Today, he is still age appropriate For his grade and academically he is within the averages for His grade level.

MEGAN: My daughter is a different story. When she began failing Classes in 4th grade I considered holding her back but decided Against it. In 5th grade, when she continued to fail and I Wanted to hold her back, the school refused and I had her Tested for special ed only to find out that she tested above Her grade level. She obviously knew the material, but was Having problems getting that knowledge out on to paper And be a participating member of the class. So I allowed her to Be promoted to the next grade. She continued To fail in sixth grade and again I considered holding her back. The school flatly refused and horror stories of self esteem Issues spewed forth and I grumbled and allowed her To go on to 7th grade where we failed again. But, things Are a little different this time. At the end of the 2nd quarter We began to treat Megan for ADD and saw some Immediate improvement with the medication and the section 504 services we provided. However, the school will not pass her because of her poor grades and feel they can fix an entire year of poor grades with 3 weeks of summer school, 4 hours a day of which 1 hour is devoted to art. Since I feel that Her poor grades reflect her inability to turn homework in on time, neatly and organized, I am unwilling to make this decision until I see her SAT scores. At this time I feel that she is being punished for being ADD. The Very nature of the disorder is poor attention, poor organization, Poor memory etc and are her grades reflecting her knowledge Of the material or her inability to complete assignments and turn Them in, in a timely, neat and organized fashion? In highschool, She was told late assignments would not be accepted and no Credit given. I feel the best way to decide this issue is to look At her SAT scores. If they show her in the average or above With the other students in her class, why hold her back. If it shows Her to be below average then perhaps now is the time to hold her Back and give her that foundation she needs in middle school to Be successful in high school where the stakes are higher. Whatever My decision, I honestly believe that 3 weeks of summer school can not Possibly fix the problem and I am a bit shocked that the school even Considers this a solution.

What about self esteem? My opinion is this: If you move them forward To a grade that they can not succeed in, you are going to have self Esteem issues. If they find themselves in a situation where they are Failing, and their classmates are making fun of them, you will have Self esteem issues. If you continue to allow the school to promote Your child from one grade to the next without the appropriate skills, Eventually a child may become overwhelmed and if he doesn't Quit school before hand, he may very well graduate without the skills Needed to be a successful adult and then you have an adult with self esteem Issues.

If you hold your child back you will still have to deal with the taunting of Cruel classmates, but you can deal with this in a couple of ways. Transfer to A new school and allow a fresh start for your child or deal with The self esteem issues that may arise as they arise. You may Be giving your child the extra step they need to becoming a Successful student and a successful adult.

These are just my personal thoughts that I wanted to share. Again, if you would Like to share your thoughts and experiences, send them to me at <a href="http://www.adhdnews.com/contact_us.htm">Contact Us</a>. I will collect them and post them for other parents to read.

** Requests from Readers **

This reader would like to have some input from other readers concerning her teenage daughters relationship with a teenage boy who has been diagnosed ADD. It is a dificult relationship as the boy is no longer being treated for his add/adhd. His parents feel he has outgrown his add/adhd and no longer give him treatment and the boy is experiencing problems with frustration and anger of which this readers Teenage daughter is the recipient of. Shelby explains that this relationship Has the family on an emotional rollercoaster and is looking for help and ideas in handling This situation. If you have any thoughts or ideas to share with Shelby please contact her At Shelby_Peak@baylor.edu anytime after the 15th of June. Thank you.

Looking for information on Hypnotherapy and its use to treat ADD/ADHD. Please send comments To sbrennand@hotmail.com thank you.

This reader would like to hear from anyone who has challenged or addressed the FAA for not Allowing pilots to take medication. Please respond to ehanick@necc.mass.edu

** Summer Camps for ADD/ADHD Children**
Here is some information that readers passed along in response to summer camps.

Just wanted to let you know that in Nassau County on Long Island, NY, there's a summer camp run by and at Hofstra University that was great for my ADHD 10-yr- old son last year. I'll be sending him there again this year. It is not specifically for AD(H)D kids, however, the structure of the days is so specific and well-planned that it worked like a charm for my boy. The camp offers three two-week sessions and one additional week at the end. Each session, the campers can select a "specialty," ranging from arts & crafts to baseball, soccer, drama, computers, science, tennis and much more. Every day, the campers swim, get a varied lunch to choose from and have 1/2-day specialized learning, and the other 1/2 recreation, supervised in a ratio of 8 campers to 1 counselor (in the 10y.o. age range, at least).

It's expensive ($2300 or so for 7 weeks) but an excellent program. If someone is interested, you can give them my email address, Jeanne_McGough@moneymail.com

Thank you to Jeff Davis for this list of Camps…

Here is a few camps from a list of Michigan Camps for people with special needs. This is from the March 1998 edition of Michigan's Assistive Technology Resource from St John's Michigan. (1-800-274-7426)

Camp Niobe- Dryden, Michigan
Season June 28-August 10,1998
Coed: 6-14
Joanne Mandel, Director
19620 Cherry Hill
Southfield, MI 48076
(810) 540-9329
Mon- competitive; emphasis on social skills, arts and nature.

Comprehensive Summer Therapy and Fun
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Season: June 19-August 6,1998
Tues,Weds, Thurs, 9am-12 noon
Coed: 0-teens
Comprehensive Therapy Center, Inc.
Jan Wilks or Jean Silbar
2505 Ardmore SE
Grand Rapids, MI 49506
(616)458-0659
www.TherapyCenter.com

The Adventure Learning Center at Eagle Village
Hersey, MI
Season: June-August, 1998
Coed:13-16
Eagle Village, Adventure Learning Center
Camp Office
5044 175th Ave.
Hersey, MI 49639
(800)748-0061

Sterling Heights Parks and Recreation Day Camp for POHI
Season June 22-July 31, 1998
Coed: 4-26
Sterling Heights Special Recreation
PO Box 8009
Sterling Heights, MI 48311-8009
(810) 977-6123, Ext. 217

Timro Childrens Center
Season: June 22-July 31, 1998
Coed; 3 1/2-11 years
Lisa Keramedjian-Meer MS Ed,. CCC/SLP
Executive Director
(248) 642-2540
Conference Information
June 19 & 20, 1998 - THE FIRST WORLD CONFERENCE ON NON-PHARMACOLOGICAL THERAPIES FOR ADD & ADHD
http://www.addgroup.org/conference.htm
White Plains, NY
note: Feingold Association VP, Kathy Bratby, will be one of the speakers
ALSO:www.feingold.org/conf_98.html
July 17 & 18, 1998 - FEINGOLD ASSOCIATION NATIONAL CONFERENCE

Fairfax, VA
I hope you can join us,
Best wishes,
Shula Edelkind, webmaster
http://www.feingold.org/indexx.html

I am moving this week to a new home up in the country. City Life has finally taken its toll and I am leaving for a home On 5 acres in a rural area. I will be out of touch from June 18th until June 22nd and I will reply to any email For those days as soon as I get online which I expect to Be sometime on June 22nd.

Everything will remain the same except my fax number And I will pass that along as soon as it I receive it.

I want to thank my sponsors. It is because of them that This newsletter and my site continues to be made possible.

Please stop by and check them out:
ADDvance Magazine for Women and Girls with ADD/ADHD - www.addvance.com/index.shtml
ADD Warehouse www.addwarehouse.com/indexbv.htm

I also want to take the time to thank Dr. Rabiner for his devotion and contribution to this newsletter and also to welcome once more, Bob Seay to the ADDed Attractions family. Bob has a unique style of writing that I find enjoyable to read and I hope his column Will be of benefit to our adults with ADD/ADHD.

Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real life experience of being a mother or father.

1. Women: To prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag chair down the front. Leave it there for nine months. After nine months, remove 10% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for paternity, go the local drug store, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Next, go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to its head office. Go home. Pick up the paper and read it for the last time.

2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it -- it's the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

3. To discover how the nights feel, walk around the living room from 5 p.m. until 10 p.m. carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds. At 10 p.m. put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 a.m. and walk around the living room again with the bag until 1 a.m. Put the alarm on for 3 a.m. Since you can't go back to sleep, get up at 2 a.m. and make a pot of tea. Go to bed at 2:45 a.m. Get up again at 3 a.m. when the alarm goes off, sing songs in the dark until 4 a.m. Put the alarm on for 5 a.m. Get up.

Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish stick behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flower beds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: first buy an octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this--all morning.

6. Get an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a can of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now get a toilet paper tube. Using only scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas tree. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of CoCo Puffs and make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations, you have just qualified for a place on the play group committee.

7. Forget the Miata and buy the mini-van. And don't think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a quarter. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family-size bag of chocolate cookies. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There! Perfect!

8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the toilet for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it again. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect minutely every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you've had as much as you can stand until all the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go back in the house. You're now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

9. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.

10. Go to your local supermarket. Take the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child with you. A fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this DO NOT even contemplate having children.

11. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Fruit Loops and attempt to spoon it into the hole of the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until half of the Fruit Loops are gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12-month old child.

12. Learn the names of every character from 'Barney and Friends', 'Sesame street', and 'Power Rangers'. When you find yourself singing, "I love you, you love me" at work, you finally qualify as a parent.

Copyright 1998 Brandi Valentine. All rights reserved. This Newsletter is copyrighted by the authors and/or publisher. ADDed Attractions may be used for non-commercial purposes only. and may not be redistributed for commercial purposes without the express written consent of Brandi Valentine.

Appropriate credit should be given to this resource and it's authors if It is reproduced in any form. Brandi Valentine